{"id":399,"date":"2007-03-21T21:41:54","date_gmt":"2007-03-22T04:41:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valianthosting.ca\/clients\/daemon\/?p=399"},"modified":"2007-03-21T21:41:54","modified_gmt":"2007-03-22T04:41:54","slug":"rules-for-entering-alberta","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/?p=399","title":{"rendered":"Rules for entering Alberta"},"content":{"rendered":"

Got this via email from my good friend Wendy:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.<\/li>\n
  2. Let’s get this straight, it’s called a gravel road. I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.<\/li>\n
  3. They are pigs, cattle and oil wells. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? No. 2 goes south and north. No. 1 goes east and west. Pick one.<\/li>\n
  4. So, you drive a sixty-thousand dollar car. We’re real impressed. We have a quarter-million dollar combine that we drive three weeks a year.<\/li>\n
  5. So every person in a pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.<\/li>\n
  6. We started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw “Bambi” too. We got over it.<\/li>\n
  7. If a cell phone rings when ducks are coming in, we shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.<\/li>\n
  8. Yeah, we eat beef and pork. You want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.<\/li>\n
  9. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.<\/li>\n
  10. We open doors for women. This applies to everyone regardless of age.<\/li>\n
  11. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.<\/li>\n
  12. When we set a table there are three main dishes; meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices; salt, pepper and ketchup.<\/li>\n
  13. You bring “Coke” into my house it better be brown, wet, served Over ice and plenty of it! You bring “Hooch” into my house it better have four legs, a tail and have a nose for partridge, duck or pheasant. You Bring “Mary Jane” to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck and have long hair.<\/li>\n
  14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazards – it spooks the fish.<\/li>\n
  15. Colleges? Try Olds College. They come outta there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickup trucks when they come home for the holidays.<\/li>\n
  16. We have more Air Force and Army than any other Province, so, “Don’t Mess with Alberta”.<\/li>\n
  17. Our military is only used as a backup. Per capita, each man, woman and child owns at least two firearms and knows how to use them.<\/li>\n
  18. Also, remember that Ralph once said, Alberta can make it without Canada, but Canada can’t make it without Alberta.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Who says we are rednecks??? We were under the impression everyone else was just backwards!<\/p>\n

    Technorati Tags: funny<\/a>, Alberta<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Got this via email from my good friend Wendy: Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. Let’s get this straight, it’s called a gravel road. I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lighter-side"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/399","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=399"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/399\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=399"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=399"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=399"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}