SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
\nFAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
\nACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
\nFAULT: Glass empty.
\nACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
\nFAULT: You have fallen over backward.
\nACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
\nFAULT: You have fallen forward.
\nACTION: See above.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
\nFAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
\nACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
\nFAULT: Improper bladder control.
\nACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about his house training.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
\nFAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
\nACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
\nFAULT: You are being carried out.
\nACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
\nFAULT: Bar has closed.
\nACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.<\/p>\n
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
\nFAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
\nACTION: Cover mouth.<\/p>\n
Technorati Tags: jokes<\/a>, piper<\/a>, highland games<\/a>, beer<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lighter-side"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/473","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=473"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/473\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=473"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=473"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=473"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}