{"id":476,"date":"2007-07-11T21:36:20","date_gmt":"2007-07-12T04:36:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valianthosting.ca\/clients\/daemon\/?p=476"},"modified":"2007-07-11T21:36:20","modified_gmt":"2007-07-12T04:36:20","slug":"thursday-thirteen-bagpipes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/?p=476","title":{"rendered":"Thursday Thirteen – Bagpipes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Welcome to the 31st edition of the screaming pages<\/em> Thursday Thirteen<\/a>. I’m the child of Scots immigrants. I grew up around pipers and dancers and spent the bulk of my youth in kilts, argyle socks, and shuttling from competition to competition. As I got older, my dad took up playing the pipes and one of my favourite childhood memories was when I accompanied him to pick up his new set of bagpipes in Glasgow. Dad took me back to the auld neighbourhood<\/em> and on a trip down memory lane.<\/p>\n

As I grew older, I grew to appreicate his playing and his pipes more and more. Bagpipes are an instrument you either love or hate – there’s no midway. Upon the passing of my father last fall, I inherited his pipes on the understanding I’d learn to play them. It’s taken me a few months to get to the point where I can take them out of the case but recently I’ve made the first step and am starting to learn the chanter. The hubby is also learning how to play.<\/p>\n

May god have mercy on our neighbours…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"button_thursdaythirteen.jpg\"<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Thirteen Favourite Bagpipe Jokes.<\/center><\/p>\n
    \n
  1. Q.<\/strong> What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
    \nA.<\/strong> No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.<\/li>\n
  2. Q.<\/strong> What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
    \nA.<\/strong> You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.<\/li>\n
  3. Q.<\/strong> How can you tell a piper with perfect pitch?
    \nA.<\/strong> He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.<\/li>\n
  4. Q.<\/strong> What’s the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?
    \nA.<\/strong> You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don’t return it.<\/li>\n
  5. Q.<\/strong> How many pipers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    \nA.<\/strong> 5-one to do it, and four to criticise his fingering style.<\/li>\n
  6. Q.<\/strong> What’s the definition of a gentleman?
    \nA.<\/strong> Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn’t.<\/li>\n
  7. Q.<\/strong> What’s the range of a bagpipe?
    \nA.<\/strong> Twenty yards if you have a good arm.<\/li>\n
  8. A piper was sick of the band abusing him, and decided to start his own. He walked into a music shop, planning to buy the first instruments he saw. Give me the red saxophone and that accordion!<\/em> he said. The assistant replied, You play the pipes, don’t you?<\/em> The piper responded, That’s right. Why?<\/em> The assistant smiled; Well, the fire extinguisher I can sell you – but the radiator stays.<\/em><\/li>\n
  9. Q.<\/strong> Why do pipers always walk when they play?
    \nA.<\/strong> Moving targets are harder to hit.<\/li>\n
  10. Q.<\/strong> How do you put a twinkle in a piper’s eye?
    \nA.<\/strong> Shine a light in his ear.<\/li>\n
  11. Ireland gave the Scots the bagpipes . . . and they still haven’t gotten the joke yet<\/li>\n
  12. A Canadian Officer, pinned down with his unit in 1944 in Italy, urgently signaled his CO. Need reinforcements to rescue us, please send six tanks or one piper.<\/em><\/li>\n
  13. By some rare chance. A piper ends up in hell. Satan passes him one day and says, “Well, Scotty, hot enough for you?” “Well, to tell ya the truth son, the Enumclaw Highland games was hotter than this”.
    \nSo Satan has the demons start stoking the furnaces more. The next day Satan asks again, “Hey, Scotty, hot enough for you?” “Well, to tell ya the truth son, the Tacoma Highland games was just as hot”.
    \nSatan has the demons REALLY start stoking the furnaces. The furnaces are so hot there glowing cherry red and the demons are starting to pass out from the heat. After a day of this Satan asks “Well Scotty, hot enough for you now?!” “Well, to tell ya the truth son, my band practice hall was just as hot”.
    \nSatan is furious. Tells his demons to shut off the furnace. Cranks the air conditioning on. ALL THE WAY,. ICE IS EVERYWHERE.
    \nThe next hour Satan goes to see the piper. He’s shivering and slapping himself to try to stay warm, but he’s jumping up and down celebrating.
    \nSatan looks at him and says, “Now, Scotty, you’re obviously not doing well in this cold. Just why are you celebrating?”
    \nScotty says to him “are you kiddin’, Man? ‘ Hell’s just frozen over! That means MY BAND JUST WON THE WORLD PIPE BAND CHAMPIONSHIPS!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Band Structure (for Wendy)<\/strong><\/center>Drum Major:
    \nLeaps tall buildings in a single bound
    \nFaster than a speeding bullet
    \nMore powerful than a locomotive
    \nWalks on Water
    \nTalks to GodPipers:
    \nLeaps small buildings with a run-up
    \nIs a crack shot
    \nPulls railway carriages
    \nFords rivers
    \nListens to god<\/p>\n

    Side Drummers:
    \nVaults over fences
    \nIs allowed his own sidearm
    \nCan read a railway timetable
    \nKnows how to put on fishing gollashes
    \nBelieves in God<\/p>\n

    Tenor Drummers:
    \nCan open and walk through a door
    \nKnows which is the dangerous end of a gun
    \nHas his own train set
    \nWears Wellington boots
    \nTalks to himself<\/p>\n

    Bass Drummers:
    \nTrips over matchsticks
    \nIs NEVER allowed near firearms
    \nSays “Look at CHOO-CHOO”
    \nPlays in puddles
    \nNobody listens to him<\/p>\n

    THE PIPE MAJOR:
    \nLifts tall buildings and walks underneath them
    \nCatches bullets in her teeth and chews them
    \nKicks locomotives off their tracks
    \nDrinks entire oceans
    \nShe IS GOD!!!!<\/p>\n

    Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!<\/a><\/small><\/center><\/p>\n

    The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!<\/small><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    View More Thursday Thirteen Participants<\/a><\/small><\/center><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

    Technorati Tags: thursday thirteen<\/a>, t13<\/a>, meme<\/a>, bagpipes<\/a>, pipers<\/a>, jokes<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Welcome to the 31st edition of the screaming pages Thursday Thirteen. I’m the child of Scots immigrants. I grew up around pipers and dancers and spent the bulk of my youth in kilts, argyle socks, and shuttling from competition to competition. As I got older, my dad took up playing the pipes and one of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-popularity-contests"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=476"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/screamingpages.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}