Things are changing at work (again) and now I have a big decision to make in a few short days. I wish I could talk it over with Drew since he’s always been such a good sounding board and the decision will ultimately impact him. Of course since he’s currently in KAF that’s not likely.

The last time I made a big decision when he was away I ended up quitting my job without a safety net and floating around unemployed for a month. ‘Twas the first time I’d been unemployed since I graduated college and I’d no idea how hard it would be to be jobless – even if it was by choice. It was the longest month I my life and a hard road to walk down for a workaholic.

This decision won’t be as massive but I I make the wrong one there’s a chance I’ll end up in a similar boat. I’m most worried about what it means for me down the road. What if I say yes and never account for anything more in my life? What if I say no and end up an unemployed bum during a recession?

It’s going to be a long few days.

Skip guessing my name. Most of you know it already. Read the rant instead.

We continue to deal with “the great fallout of 2009” and so I didn’t leave work until 8pm last night. Hey, I’m writing this at 2am. Friday is officially “last night”. Mostly I left because I could no longer see straight or think coherently. After 11.5 hours of working (Lunch? Breaks? What are those?) I’m certain my brain has turned to mush. And I was afraid I’d get locked in the building and have to call security to get out. Nearly all of my co-workers are gone at 4pm or earlier on a Friday. Most of us come in earlier in the morning to leave earlier… I was damn close to being alone. No one else was in my office bank. Even the cleaning crew was done hours earlier. My closest co-worker (that I know of who remained behind) was a building away…

I have a paper due this weekend. I have a doctor appointment later this afternoon. And I can’t forget the Celt-X Robbie Burns night party at night. Gotta charge the camcorder batteries for that. Taking home movies to send to Drew and all that.

I’m officially taking Saturday off from the work project that’s now due Monday. No work for me. I’ll pick it back up on Sunday.

I am slowly beginning to realize that work isn’t worth screwing up my own school schedule or negatively impacting my grades, health or family life. My job certainly doesn’t pay me enough, or acknowledge my hard work or skills enough, to make me rank it above my school work, sleep, etc. on a weekend!

You might not recognize it but I know I’ve come a long way in a few years. Not long ago I would have set all my own needs and desires aside to do whatever it took to get a job done. Years of being ignored and taken for granted at work are finally beginning to sink in. I can kill myself to get project finished and no one will notice or blink an eye. Its my own fault. I’ve set that expectation in others. Need to put out a fire? Of course I’ll ignore my husband or school life to do whatever you need to make the company look good… You get the picture. Sure the new place isn’t as bad as the previous place I worked – they haven’t scheduled me 17 hour days with no breaks for weeks on end for example – but in many ways it’s the same. I often wonder if anyone even knows I exist or what I do. So much so that I’m not sure I have any idea what exactly my job entails…

I just do what needs to be done.

My mom worries that I talk about work too much on my blog. She’s afraid future employers won’t hire me because of its contents. I’d like to think I’m obscure enough in my writing that future employers should have little to worry about. I don’t name names – not of my workplace or co-workers – and I don’t recall ever specifically detailing any problems at work. I try to use generalizations as much as possible.

My memory could be faulty of course.

Since I started blogging in 2003 I’ve never hidden my site or how to find me online. This is me. Warts an all.

However, you have to know me personally to know my name, where I work, what exactly I’m working on, and what, specifically, I’m ranting about on any particular day. And if you know me that well than nothing I’d ever say about my concerns or experiences at work would ever come as a surprise to you. Mostly because you’d have already heard me spout off a detailed opinion in person. I’m mouthy like that.

I can’t control what others may choose to read into my words – those written and those left unsaid. I also can’t control the impressions others have of me thought my personal writing. If you choose to see yourself in anything I write then I can’t do anything to impact or change your perceptions. Most people I refer to in my writing are well aware of their pseudonyms (some were selected or “dictated” by said individuals), are aware of my blog and the bulk of what I’ve written about them from face-to-face conversations, and frequently have read what I’ve written about them. A bunch of them comment here off and on. If I’m off base or overly zealous in a post they can correct me anytime. And sometimes do.

Of course, if I haven’t told you personally how to find my blog and what your pseudonym is, there’s a very good chance I’m NOT writing about you. Get over yourself already!

And you thought my ego was big…

Boo, Loxley and I went out to see STOMP! last night.  Loxley and Boo went last year and had a great time.  Apparently they also had front row seats and ringing in the ears for a few days… Our seats weren’t that good – but they were still pretty fabulous. I’d never seen STOMP! live before so I really enjoyed the visual and auditory feast. The audience participation in clapping exercises proves an interesting case study in social pressure to conform and operant conditioning. Oh, and it was fun too.  Although my hands hurt A LOT after the near 2 hour show. I can’t imagine how the cast members spend multiple hours a day (multiple shows a week), banging, slapping and clapping away with their hands. The callouses must be deep.

This year, Loxley bought my ticket as a Christmas present. We shared the cost for Boo’s despite her recent track record of being sick nearly every time we’ve tried to get together over the last 5 months. We were brimming with optimism and all that.  Besides, who’s going to turn down a Christmas present ticket to see the cute bald guy in the black wife beater clapping and jumping around stage while banging on things?  Yummy!

Poor Loxley and Boo had to listen to me babble  “you know, that’s what Drew looked like when he was in the Army.  Before the re-muster to the Air Force. Same build.” a bazillion times at the end of the show.  It would have been a bazillion and one but Loxley had lost her cell phone and I was busy calling Boston Pizza (where Boo treated us to dinner earlier in the evening) trying to track it down. Very cool how you can surf the Internet in order to look up a phone number, click the link the iPhone generates, and be talking to someone at that number in a manner of seconds.

A good time was had by all and we ended the evening with our usual promises to make our gatherings a monthly event. Pending Boo’s health, my school work, and Loxley’s access to a running vehicle of course.

‘Twas a very long day at work today.  More accurately, it’s been a long week at work. I’ve got to stop working OT for free.  Each year I tell myself this and yet I still find myself sitting at a desk in the office trying to get one more thing accomplished before I go home. You’d think going to school part-time would have cured me of this.  I know I certainly thought it would.  I really need to learn how to walk away at the end of a work day since I’ve started putting other students learning ahead of my own.

So once again I am three hours late getting home, no desire to do my readings for class, no interest in making anything to eat, and will be back at work first thing tomorrow morning trying to get someone else’s class fixed up and online.

Perhaps, instead of taking Psych classes, I should be seeing a shrink!  I have lots of work related and guilt issues that need to be worked through.

Today in my spam filter there was a comment advising me that I needed a new wordpress theme and to go to their dull generic site and buy/download one of theirs.  Now, why would I do that when I have a series of 6 different custom made themes for my blog to choose from.  Perhaps the commenter has a point.  I have been bright and shiny blue for a few weeks now – mostly because it’s my winter theme – and it has been a while since you’ve seen my locked in the basement theme.  You know.  The one that’s been frequently appearing on my blog as I desperately try to catch up on my homework for classes.  So, out with the blue and in with the black.  Thanks for the inspiration annoying spam/commenter guy!

Drew tells me January is the month of perpetual Mondays.  He’ll experience Tuesday when February rolls around and is hoping to be home sometime Thursday. If he’s still in KAF by Sunday, we know something is horribly wrong with their scheduling of reinforcements.

It certainly feels like a Monday at work today.

On the bright side I continue to like the new boss.  Had an early am meeting with him and some fears were put to rest. Go me!  Or, more accurately, go new boss!

Last time I blogged about food Drew complained that it wasn’t fair for me to talk about food. Tonight I feel no guilt. A bunch of my co-workers and I went out for all you can eat sushi tonight. Since Drew isn’t a fan of sushi and sashimi will never pass through his lips I know he won’t complain about missing out this time.

It was interesting for all of us to get together with our spouses and significant others – I was the only one there without a partner in attendance – and not talk about work. It seems an unwritten rule that weekend gatherings are work-free zones.

Many of us have worked outside of the country. Dr D had a stint in Australia. M lived and worked in Dubai. C worked in Korea and frequently vacationed in his wife’s homeland, the Phillipines. And of course, I worked in India and the Phillipines. It’s interesting hearing everyone’s stories of their temporary foreign homes.

The best part of the evening was meeting R’s husband WD40. We talk spouses in the office all the time so it’s nice to put a face to all the stories. And WD40 is a hoot! It’s a relief knowing that 1) the stories are likely ALL true and 2) the object of the stories lives up to their reputation.

R makes a great designated driver – although I apparently need to work on refining my driving direction skills. Oh, and I suppose it would help if I turned on my cell phone when I’m expecting a ride in case the driver gets lost due to my poor directions. All worked out in the end.

Had a blast this evening. Now, back to reading articles for my classes and prepping my assignment answers.