Welcome to the 32nd edition of the screaming pages Thursday Thirteen. Today is the hubby’s birthday so this week’s list is all about him…

Thirteen Things about the hubby.   He’s the oldest of 3 boys – and in big brother fashion was the reason why his younger brothers had some bumps, bruises and broken bones as kids. Most of his wardrobe is navy blue. Pants…shirts…shoes. This is a big switch from a decade ago when all he owned was black clothes. He was raised in Southern Ontario, but we try not to hold that against him. Minus the grey hairs on his head, he looks exactly the same now as he did a decade ago. He prefers dogs to cats, but pretends to like Thanatos (oldest cat) to keep me happy. He’s an avionics technician (glorified electrician) in the Canadian military. He spent 3 years as an infanteer in the Canadian Army before remustering to the Air Force. He’s been known to exaggerate when telling a story. He’s got the day off today, so he’s helping our neighbour (the contractor) lay a floor and put up walls… He doesn’t snore, but he does eat (well, he makes chewing noises) in his sleep. I think the mouthguard the dentist gave him is the only reason he still has teeth. We joke that he’s cold blooded. He’s always cold and loves the heat. He can wander around dressed in a black t-shirt, leather jacket, jeans, and boots at 30C and complain of being cold… He once raised a turkey named Gobble that he insisted become Thanksgiving dinner. He’s exactly 1 month and 1 day older than I am. Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

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Of our two dogs, one (Hypnos) loves the rain but despises all other forms of water. The other (Fenris) can’t stand the rain, but is nuts about the hose. She dives, jumps, snaps at the water, and can spend hours playing in the spray.

Seeing as our lawn has been taken over with weeds, we’ve been trying to overseed to kills some of them off. Seeding, of course, requires lots of water for the seeds to take. Since it hasn’t rained here in eons, we’ve purchased a sprinkler to make our lives easier. Fenris is in love…

On approach

Starting the attack

Diving in

Jumping for joy. She’s pretty spry for a 10 year old!

Hypnos checks out Fenris’ playtime from a safe distance

Hypnos finds a dry place on the deck

Technorati Tags: dogs, water, sprinkler, Fenris, Hypnos

Joy, over at A Spot of T, decided to award me with the Rockin’ Girl Blogger award on the day I shamlessly blogged about dropping my cell phone in the toilet. Psychologists will be debating for years about who’s psychosis this indicates more about.

Rockin’ Girl Blogger AND the Awesome Guy Blogger were started by a lady by the name of Roberta Ferguson. Rockin’ Girl Blogger came first and then she came out with the Awesome Guy Blogger.

The problem is I don’t think there’s a single blogger left that I read who *hasn’t* received this award. Ergo, I’m just going to award it to whomever I feel like – whether or not they’ve already received one in the past. It goes without saying that I think Joy deserves one.

• The crew at Dust My Broom deserve both a Rocking Girl Blogger (for Lisa) and a bunch of Awesome Guy Bloggers.
• Cammi of Written Inc. fame tops my individual Awesome Guy Blogger list for his thought provoking posts, “Caption This” contests, and for always allowing me to post days late in his comments.
• Sirdar of Sirdar Inc. has already received the Awesome Guy Blogger award from Joy, but I’m reissuing a commemortative issue to him for making me feel like less of a freakish clutz. I may have broken a foot when I get up off of a couch, but at least my leg wasn’t hairy *grin*Sidebar your Honour? What’s with all these Inc.’s in male blogger’s blog titles? Is that a sign that the content is going to be great? The secret to success? Do we women need to follow this trend?
• Laughing Muse at Title Deleted for Security Reasons gets a Rocking’ Girl Blogger award.. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she gives awesome advice to the unemployed and generally puts up with my crankiness. Oh, and she’s not afraid to go on a short unexplained hiatus. I like that it a blogger – possibly because I’ve been known to do it before? – keeps me on my toes.
• Haley-O at The Cheaty Monkey deserves a crayon bucket full of Rocking Girl Blogger awards. She makes me laugh, she’s a mommy blogger I’m perfectly happy to read, and she’s worth her (considerably expanding as the pregnancy reaches it’s end) weight in gold!
• Susan Helen of West of Mars and Erica of Writing Aspirations (please let it be spelt with a “c” and not a “k”) earned their Rockin’ Girl Blogger awards through blood (blisters on typing fingers), sweat (does this plot element fit with the rest of the book) and tears (joy and pain, I’m sure). Both are extremely talented writers in their own right, but I smooshed them together so I’d have room to add
• Rhian of From My Brain to Yours also gets to raise high the female version of the award. I did debate long and hard on this one because I’m not sure you can top an Uber-Dork award…
• Oh, who am I kidding, I’ll never keep the list it down to 5 female bloggers – Christine d’Abo deserves one too! Skip the fact that we attended the same university (not at the same time) and worked in the same fields (before I jumped ship), she’s always a refreshing reminder of home. I love the mountains, but Christine always reminds me that sometimes you gotta play in the water.
• Uisce at Whiskey Talking gets an Awesome Guy Blogger award. If I have to explain it…

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Welcome to the 31st edition of the screaming pages Thursday Thirteen. I’m the child of Scots immigrants. I grew up around pipers and dancers and spent the bulk of my youth in kilts, argyle socks, and shuttling from competition to competition. As I got older, my dad took up playing the pipes and one of my favourite childhood memories was when I accompanied him to pick up his new set of bagpipes in Glasgow. Dad took me back to the auld neighbourhood and on a trip down memory lane.

As I grew older, I grew to appreicate his playing and his pipes more and more. Bagpipes are an instrument you either love or hate – there’s no midway. Upon the passing of my father last fall, I inherited his pipes on the understanding I’d learn to play them. It’s taken me a few months to get to the point where I can take them out of the case but recently I’ve made the first step and am starting to learn the chanter. The hubby is also learning how to play.

May god have mercy on our neighbours…

Thirteen Favourite Bagpipe Jokes. Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe. Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline. Q. How can you tell a piper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks. Q. What’s the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don’t return it. Q. How many pipers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. 5-one to do it, and four to criticise his fingering style. Q. What’s the definition of a gentleman? A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn’t. Q. What’s the range of a bagpipe? A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm. A piper was sick of the band abusing him, and decided to start his own. He walked into a music shop, planning to buy the first instruments he saw. Give me the red saxophone and that accordion! he said. The assistant replied, You play the pipes, don’t you? The piper responded, That’s right. Why? The assistant smiled; Well, the fire extinguisher I can sell you – but the radiator stays. Q. Why do pipers always walk when they play? A. Moving targets are harder to hit. Q. How do you put a twinkle in a piper’s eye? A. Shine a light in his ear. Ireland gave the Scots the bagpipes . . . and they still haven’t gotten the joke yet A Canadian Officer, pinned down with his unit in 1944 in Italy, urgently signaled his CO. Need reinforcements to rescue us, please send six tanks or one piper. By some rare chance. A piper ends up in hell. Satan passes him one day and says, “Well, Scotty, hot enough for you?” “Well, to tell ya the truth son, the Enumclaw Highland games was hotter than this”. So Satan has the demons start stoking the furnaces more. The next day Satan asks again, “Hey, Scotty, hot enough for you?” “Well, to tell ya the truth son, the Tacoma Highland games was just as hot”. Satan has the demons REALLY start stoking the furnaces. The furnaces are so hot there glowing cherry red and the demons are starting to pass out from the heat. After a day of this Satan asks “Well Scotty, hot enough for you now?!” “Well, to tell ya the truth son, my band practice hall was just as hot”. Satan is furious. Tells his demons to shut off the furnace. Cranks the air conditioning on. ALL THE WAY,. ICE IS EVERYWHERE. The next hour Satan goes to see the piper. He’s shivering and slapping himself to try to stay warm, but he’s jumping up and down celebrating. Satan looks at him and says, “Now, Scotty, you’re obviously not doing well in this cold. Just why are you celebrating?” Scotty says to him “are you kiddin’, Man? ‘ Hell’s just frozen over! That means MY BAND JUST WON THE WORLD PIPE BAND CHAMPIONSHIPS! Band Structure (for Wendy)Drum Major: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Faster than a speeding bullet More powerful than a locomotive Walks on Water Talks to GodPipers: Leaps small buildings with a run-up Is a crack shot Pulls railway carriages Fords rivers Listens to god Side Drummers: Vaults over fences Is allowed his own sidearm Can read a railway timetable Knows how to put on fishing gollashes Believes in God Tenor Drummers: Can open and walk through a door Knows which is the dangerous end of a gun Has his own train set Wears Wellington boots Talks to himself Bass Drummers: Trips over matchsticks Is NEVER allowed near firearms Says “Look at CHOO-CHOO” Plays in puddles Nobody listens to him THE PIPE MAJOR: Lifts tall buildings and walks underneath them Catches bullets in her teeth and chews them Kicks locomotives off their tracks Drinks entire oceans She IS GOD!!!! Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

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1. No matter when you change your reed, it only blows out as you march off.
2. Any reed changed just before a parade will be too hard to blow.
3. When the Pipe Major is watching you, your drones will never start right.
4. Clean white shirts will get dirty in the clothing bag.
5. Careful accounting of your gear the night before means that you will forget something.
6. Months of practice on a six-part tune means you will only remember one part on parade.
7. If you call “By the Right…..” – sure as hell someone will start on the right foot.
8. When someone important is watching, the Drum Major will always call the “Halt!” on the wrong foot.
9. Some band members rise to their own level of incompetence – then stay there.
10. When the band sounds good – wait till the next tune.
11. Bandsmen come and bandsmen go – but screw-ups continue.
12. The degree of band screwing-up is in direct proportion to how important the event is.
13. If the band plays an easy tune long enough – they will screw it up.
14. Any chanter reed that will blow, will blow 30 seconds before march-off.
15. Any drum head that breaks, will do so 30 seconds after march-off.
16. All Pipe Majors believe that their bands will get better with practice.
17. All pipers have a scheme to break-in their own reeds, none of which work.
18. You will always remember to take your hose out of the dryer on the way to the parade.
19. There is never time to do it right, but we find time to do it wrong.
20. Every time the Bass Drummer tries a new beat, the pipers just hear a double-beat and quit playing.
21. The bus is never on time, but when it is, it’s not your bus.
22. At least once every parade, a drummer will drop or break a stick.
23. When all is going correctly, look out, something is wrong.
24. When more than one piper cannot shut off his drones properly, its the Pipe Major’s fault.
25. All important parades must be done during the pipers’ holidays.
26. A good band practice does not mean a good parade.
27. A bad band practice does not mean a good parade.
28. Some pipers claim that “Preparation” is a piper’s best friend.
29. Pipe reeds only come in one type – too hard for your pipers to play.
30. Side drums only stay in tune until you have to play them.
31. A full turn-out at band practice does not mean a full turn-out on parade.
32. Band members’ clocks are always one half hour behind the Pipe Major’s.
33. Any person who wants to be a Pipe Major is CRAZY!

[1] “Murray’s Laws of Piping” – by P.M. Murray Martin, Army, Navy, and Air Force Pipes & Drums, Belleville, Ontario.