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  • Sundown

    November 17th, 2008 she Posted in Art, Vittles & Beer, Flan-dom, Lighter Side 2 Comments »

    I love listening to music. My iPod has thousands of songs. A few hundred of my favourites have also been transferred to my iPhone. At work I’ll load up iTunes to distract me and keep me motivated when the workload becomes too heavy.

    When it comes to music my tastes are pretty ecclectic. I love traditional Celtic folk music. Pipes and drums. Blues. Opera. Classic rock. Alternative. Electronica. You get the idea. There’s not much in the way I won’t listen to.

    The song is a bit different when it comes to purchasing concert tickets. The price of tickets means that we can’t afford to see all the concerts I might want to so I have to be more discerning.

    Over the past year we’ve managed to see Ozzy and Rob Zombie, LIVE, Elton John, and Buddy Guy. Did I mention the Buddy Guy seat was in the 3rd row?

    Tonight I picked up tickets to Gordon Lightfoot. The show isn’t until April but the tickets were going fast so the best I could manage to Lightfoot were tickets in the first row balcony. I’m all aflutter.

    Now if only Leonard Cohen would tour out west. I’d be in heaven.

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    it’s going to be one of those days

    June 11th, 2008 she Posted in Lighter Side 5 Comments »

    Some days I just shouldn’t get out of bed.  I woke up this morning, did my standard ablutions, got dressed, and toddled off to the car to drive into work.  The morning drive was pretty uneventful and traffic seemed really light.  There are bonuses to school being out for the full-time students – traffic and parking most notably.

    I was feeling pretty spiffy since I’d managed to find a nice little suit jacket to pair with my outfit today.  It dressed up my jeans nicely while still allowing me to enjoy the relaxed dress code over the summer months.  I was plotting out my day and dreaming of my first cup of Timmies. 

    After meeting up with a co-worker on the sidewalk outside the parking garage, I noticed something very strange.  My pockets weren’t jingling.  I couldn’t hear my keys.  I did the mad dash pocket pat.  I put hands in empty pockets repeately.  In.  Out.  In.  Out.  As if by dint of repetition my keys would magically appear.  They didn’t.  My co-worker (bless her) and I trekked back up the stairs to my truck.  I had visions of keys sitting on my passenger seat roaming through my head.  I distinctly remembered locking my door when I exited the truck.  I always do.  As we approached my truck I knew it was far, far worse.  Not only had I locked my keys in my vehicle.  I’d locked my keys in my running vehicle.

    Go ahead.  Get it out of your system.  Laugh it up.  Someday this will happen to you and I’ll be pointing and laughing with the rest of them.

    I knew we had spare keys.  I knew exactly where those spare keys were.   They were attached to the hubby’s keyring.  I have his spare keys on mine.  Where was Drew?  On base.  At work.  For hours.  Not only did the driving world – or at least all drivers parking in the parkade this morning – have to know about my shame, but uniformed men and women were soon to discover my idiocy.  I know a few of them already suspected I was absentminded and slightly loony.  Now they have confirmation.

    Today would be the day when I’d decided I didn’t need to bring a cell phone with me.  I had put it into my pocket this morning, had second thoughts, and decided that I should perhaps plug it in.  Too lazy to bring the power cord to work, I plugged my cell in at home.  My co-worker (double bless her) handed me her phone.  

    How many people know the phone number for their local military base switchboard off the tops of their heads?  Yeah.  Me neither.  That’s why I have phone numbers stored in my cell’s contact list.  They’re not there to make me look popular.  I called 411 – dialing “0” gets you no where on a cell – and struggled through the NLU phone menu.  Idiot drivers racing through the parking lot made it hard to hear.  I’ll pretend that’s the reason I was offered the phone number for the Edmonton Infant Death Support Society (or something similar) when I asked for the number for CFB Edmonton Garrison.  Much button pushing ensued and I finally got to talk to a live body.  She kept offering me the phone number for Canadian Forces Recruiting.  I kept insisting I wanted Edmonton Garrison.  If I hadn’t been so stressed it might have been hilariously funny. 

    When I got the number for the switchboard I waited on the line to talk to an operator.  I needed the extension for the area Drew works in.  If you don’t have that tracking a person down on base can be an exercise in futility.  It’s not like the MP’s will wander the base calling “Here Drewey Wooey.  Come on boy.  Here’s a good boy.”  Then, instead of patching me through, the operator hung up. I called the number I’d managed to piece together and landed at the Sgt’s desk.  Rather than passing the phone to Drew, he gave me Drew’s extension and hung up.  So there I was.  Standing in the parking lot with my truck running, lights on, and doors locked.  Calling Edmonton Garrison for the third time. 

    Brrrriiiing.  Brrrriiiiing.

    And then Drew’s voice was on the line.  Which meant I had to tell him what I’d done.  I really needed that spare key.  It couldn’t be helped.  I spilled my guts.  Drew asked where I was.  I told him.  He hung up on me before I could tell him which floor of the parking garage I was on.  Ah well. He’d find me when he arrived.  Depending on traffic, it’s a 20-45 minute drive to the college from Base. 

    I waited.  Despite being patrolled by security guards, undesirables sometimes made their way through the parking garage.  Occasionally the air in the stairwells would be thick with dope smoke or a vehicle would be broken into.  Leaving a locked truck running just seemed like too much temptation to me.  So, after profusely thanking my co-worker for the loan of her phone and keeping me company I sent her on her way. And I waited. 

    More of my co-workers drove by and witnessed my foolishness.  Some stopped to chat.  D, the last in the office before Drew arrived, promised that his lips were sealed and that he wouldn’t tell a soul.  I warned him it was all for naught.  Everyone else already knew.  *sigh*  At around 8:30am (so much for getting to work early this morning) my knight in not-so-shiny uniform arrived.  He switched his car off, handed me his keys.  I opened my door, got my keys, and walked back to him loudly begging me NOT to lock his keys in my truck.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  He’s such a funny guy.

    I offered to buy him coffee.  He declined.  Some silly nonsense about having to get back to work as soon as possible.  Keys in hand, I headed for the office.  And forgot to stop for coffee.  It’s just going to be one of those days…

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    prison diary: day two

    March 23rd, 2008 she Posted in Learning & Education, Lighter Side 4 Comments »

    Today, I resumed battle with the evil Psych paper. The purpose is to take a series of personality tests – the assignment provided a list of links of which 1/4 are not longer valid and 1/2 require payment to receive completed results – and evaluate their use, validity and the construction of the instrument. The topic could be interesting if I could just stop wandering the Internet aimlessly searching for free Personality tests. I’m cheap. I’m already paying over 600$ a class to attend school. I can’t afford to pay 8-85$ for test results just so I can complete my paper.

    Yesterday, I switched over to my official locked in the basement blog theme. The original plan was to switch to the black/grey theme when I was feeling particularly cranky or moody. Upon reflection, I think it’s the perfect theme for all those sunny weekends when I’m locked in my basement writing papers or studying for exams when all my friends and neighbours are out playing. Wheeee! I sound like a 12 year old sentenced to summer school…

    Amy stopped by and offered a companion. Everyone locked in a basement should definitely have one of these to protect them. Of course, I have two of the larger, crankier versions on the lookout for the evil prison guard. He randomly stomps into the room asking impertinent questions – “are you done yet? “, “when can we eat?”, “do you know what your personality is yet?”, and my particular favourite “I’m an extroverted exhibitionist with pyromaniac tendencies. See, it’s easier if you just make it up.”

    Update: Found some freebie tests that offer full responses without requesting I fork over some form of payment. At least that part of the process is now complete.

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    A little midweek humour

    March 5th, 2008 she Posted in Lighter Side 3 Comments »

    My doctor said…

    Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

    Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    ‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride’

    For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.  

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    Survivor – Alberta Style

    February 6th, 2008 she Posted in Lighter Side 1 Comment »

    Due to the popularity of the ‘Survivor’ shows, Alberta is planning to do it’s own, titled “Survivor – Alberta Style”

    The contestants will start in Cold Lake, travel south to Medicine Hat then west to Lethbridge, Fort McLeod and on up to Calgary. Then they will head north to Red Deer and Edmonton. From there they will proceed west to Hinton and north to Grande Prairie, then up along Highway #2 to Slave Lake, Westlock and St. Albert. Then they will go to Ft. Saskatchewan, Vegreville, Vermillion and Bonnyville before eventually returning to Cold Lake.

    Each will be driving a pink Volkswagon with Ontario license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads “I’m gay, I’m a vegetarian, beer is harmful to your health, Conservatives stink, Rae in 2008, deer hunting is murder, and I’m here to confiscate your guns.”

    The first one that makes it back to Cold Lake alive wins.

    Good Luck to all contestants!

    Note: My friend Wendy sent this to me and I couldn’t resist posting it 😉

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