Warning! This post is all about me (as always). Better yet, each paragraph starts with I. Bad writing. Semi-good “my heads about to explode because I’m writing papers again” ranting…

I woke up quite early this morning – for a Saturday – and toddled down to my office to get down to the serious business of writing my History paper. I’ve decided to put the past (lower than desired discussion marks) behind me. At least for the moment. I need to focus on trying to figure out just exactly what I’m supposed to be doing to get a decent mark on papers. See, this is the class where I’ve already been chastized for doing “too much” research and going “outside of the bounds” of the original assigned readings.

I’m still trying to figure out how you can over research a paper. I guess that’s one of the things I still need to learn about formal education. Me, I tend to read the assigned reading. Then I head off to the university library or the online journals available through the library and start searching for additional articles relating to the subject. I want to know as much about it before I start pontificating about the topic. More importantly, I want to read the criticisms and alternate views. I want to be well armed before I make the frontal assault on my paper and start typing.

I just don’t by into forming an opinion about anything without having viewed at least two different versions of events or thoughts on a subject.

I tried very hard to remedy that in paper #2. I stuck to the assigned readings and barely ventured off the paved path set in front of me by the prof. This, of course, was based entirely on the feedback I received from paper #1. I have no idea if I was successful since it has yet to be returned to me. Paper #3 is due on Tuesday. I had wanted to complete it by Monday but I don’t know if I’ll be 100% comfortable submitting it without seeing any feedback on #2 first. *sigh*

I’ve been typing snippets of phrases and points I want to cover in my paper all week. I’ve made notes and got my citations in order. I’ve even got a few paragraphs put together (though not ordered). This weekend is supposed to be dedicated to getting all that junk into some reasonable facsimile of coherence. Knowing how I normally write papers, I expect to be spending about 10 hours today and 10 hours tomorrow putting everything together and writing the final product. I’m sure it’s not the recommended method for writing papers but it’s the one that works for me.

I’m about 50% complete but still uncomfortable at the thought of walking blind through the process as I’m worried I may have once again “over researched” my subject. Worst still, I’m worried that I’ll feel this way all through the remainder of my university experience.

Nothing seems to be going right today. Both profs are late getting my grades back in my classes and I’m suffering from crappy discussion answer grades lately. Could be worse. Could be crappy grades on papers. I’m sure both profs would argue that all would be well with the world if I just worked harder. Problem is, I’m not sure it’s a case of working harder as opposed to a case of not towing the party line when it comes to making or responding to arguments. I just can’t seem to stay in the box they’re trying to put us all in.

As a result today I’m full of questions.

Why am I the only one stupid curious enough to ask questions and demand we look at all sides? Why do I do this class after class? Would it be easier to just fall in step? Would my interest and motivation to complete slide even lower if I fell in line? How badly will B’s impact applications to grad school? Why can’t I go back to learning and acquiring knowledge the way I have in the past? When did education stop being about learning and become all about credentialization and fitting into a little slot?

It’s hard to stay motivated today. Guess I need to work on that…

I have in my hot little hands the draft copy of a paper that will be delievered at a conference in Vegas next month. I’m not the brain trust behind it, but along with the rest of my department, I’m getting co-author credit from the primary author. In a few short months, I’ll have my name on another paper to be delivered at a conference in Banff. In the meantime, I’m working the the primary author on paper #1 (and #2 if we’re going to be picky) on yet another paper that will have shared authorship between the two of us. If this keeps up, I’ll have a decent CV in the works in time for my application into a few Masters programs. Yippee!

I’ve managed to finish and submit my history paper a day early and am moving on to my nice psych paper. In addition, I’ve completed registration for my summer courses and am well on my way to finishing off the last two years of univiersity. At this point, I’m not sure if I should be proud of myself or disturbed that I’m managing to stay on top of everything this semester…

Some classes started at college last week and I was pretty swamped getting everything ready for the new batch of students.  This week the remaining students return to school and as of tomorrow, I too start plugging away at my latest batch of classes at university.  There’s an increasing level of excitement as the students return to the buildings and our quiet domain that we lorded over this summer has become a hive of activity as both the instructors and students begin filling the halls.

After completing the course I was designing and getting the remainder of the course sites on-line, I’ve shifted my focus in the evenings and weekends to attempting to complete some pre-reading for my own class this fall.  From what I’ve seen so far I’m certain this will be one of the more difficult courses I’ll be attempting to complete this year – mostly because I’ll need to keep my opinions in check and attempt to behave myself during discussions. *sigh*

There are days, like today, where I wonder why I’m heading back to school at all…