It’s hard to believe a year has passed since dad’s death. It’s still a daily struggle to remember that I won’t hear his voice when I call home, or that he’s not there to pass on advice or discuss the latest in computer technology. The year has been a surprising one in so many ways. There’s a new roof on our house and we’re finally debt free – minus the mortgage of course. I’ve switched jobs and will no longer be traveling as much as I did in the past, but for the first time in a long time I can say I’m really happy at work. I’ve shifted from my preference for informal learning and have gone back to school (yet again) to finish what I started so many years ago. Most days I’m still shocked at which school I selected and the fact that they accepted me.
I’ve started piping lessons so I can play dad’s Hardies and Drew has joined me. This week we purchased a set of Dunbars for him. I’d love to let dad know how far we’ve gotten in our lessons or watch him wince while I struggle through finding the notes in Amazing Grace or Mairi’s Wedding…
We’ve joined not one, but two bands. I’m sure dad would have loved their philosophies for playing – it’s all about having fun. Competitions and politics are the last thing on everyone’s mind as we’re all just there because we share a love of the instrument and want to play with others, of all levels, who feel the same way.
There have been so many changes and yet in other areas I’ve come full circle.
When I was little, I was a bit of a social butterfly. Hard to imagine when you consider how reclusive I became in my early 20’s and how ingrained in me that has become over the years. I had what everyone needs – a best friend who I could talk to for hours about anything, share laughter and dreams. We did everything together and seemed permanently attached to each other. Sleepovers, hours on the phone, shared camping trips, group activities, you name it; we were always close to each other.
As teenager girls we fell out – I don’t even remember over what or why – and as nasty as teenage girls can be, we never mangaged to get past it. I changed schools and when we both arrived at the same high school, could never bring myself to try and bridge the gap a year had made. No matter how desperately I wanted to I just didn’t know how to even begin.
For a short period of time in university we made attempts to become friends again. Life intervened and we lost touch and track of one another.
A few months ago we reconnected over Facebook. We are relearning how to be friends and I’m thankful for the opportunity. Losing her friendship left a gaping hole in me that I didn’t realize was there until now. In our wanders back into each other’s lives, we’ve learned that we still share so many similar values and experiences. Unfortunately, not all of those experiences are pleasant. Most recently, I learned that while I was home caring for dad as he was dying, she was also going through the same situation. Her father is also battling terminal cancer and as much as I’d love to see a miracle happen, I have walked down this road already and know where it ends.
Godspeed. You and your family are in our hearts, minds and prayers.
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