When my dad was dying, the mantra around my parents house was that most people were never told he was ill because “dad was a very private man”. Sure, I knew my dad didn’t often talk about himself and hated to have people poke through his possessions, but I never realized how strongly I shared this attitude until recently.

It may seem that I’ll write about anything when I’m blogging, but that’s not 100% accurate. I self-edit before I ever hit the publish button. There are a number of things I just don’t write about. As therapeutic as blogging can be I still have limits to the degree of self-confession that appears on these pages. Amazingly enough, despite the limits I’ve imposed on myself, I’ve still managed to pour a large chunk of my guts out over the blog-o-sphere.

A few months ago I’d learned that our pet sitters had pawed through our family photo albums while we were on vacation. The hubby couldn’t understand why I found this so offensive considering the albums were left on a shelf in the den only a few feet from the television.

Tonight, I have been watching my mom paw through other family albums and boxes of momentos and the longer it continues, the more my skin crawls. I’m offended that she doesn’t see anything wrong with going through my things without first asking for permission. I’m annoyed that she’s pulling photos and certificates out and demanding answers or details surrounding them – information I’d be lucky to pull out of my head after a good 15-30 minutes of hard thought…

Mostly, I’m angry with myself for sitting here quietly, typing out my feelings rather than just coming out and saying something about it. So why don’t I? Mom just doesn’t see anything wrong with her behaviour. I’ve tried asking her not to do things in the past and explain my point of view. She sees the world differently than I and just can’t imagine a world view that doesn’t match her own. I learned decades ago it’s better to sit down, shut up, and just let her do what she wishes rather than trying to get her to respect my wishes, opinions, or personal space.

Maybe someday I’ll grow a backbone again.

Technorati Tags: privacy, pet peeve, annoyances

I know it’s only a few days into the new year, but I already know it’s going to be one of those months. I spent most of last week working odd shifts that just seemed to get earlier and earlier in the morning. When I arrived at work at 4am on Friday, I should have known that I wouldn’t be able to recover from my lack of sleep over the weekend.

Mom has taken to karaoke so after a quick nap on Friday, we headed out to party. Granted, I don’t know how much partying you can really do with your mom in tow. Perhaps others can get wild and jiggy – but a wild night out with my mom usually consists of ensuring everyone is included in the conversation, proper introductions are made, and alcohol is consumed in very limited qualities. After lots of singing and embarrassing myself later, it was off to let the dogs out. We arrived back home at about 3:30 am only to be up for shopping at 9am.

While Sunday was pretty laid back it was marred by the fact that I was awake instead of curled up under warm blankets in my comfy bed.

Another 5am wake up call today, followed by a 4am trip to the airport tomorrow – mom goes home – and an upcoming storm on Wednesday has me wishing for the weekend already. I’m beginning to believe that it’s just not possible to ever make up the sleep debt I’ve racked up since before Christmas.

Lack of sleep means that I’m saying, thinking and typing crazy things this week. I’ve been beating dead horses in the comments at a blog I often visit – most likely not making my point well at all and coming across as some sort of deranged idiot. Then again, deranged idiot might be a step up from some of my past rants. Maybe I should just shut up when I’m ahead.

The old saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” is beginning to sound as if it’s the only way to get a good night’s rest.

Technorati Tags: tired, crazed ranting, sleep deprived

He: The man in the moon is sick tonight.

She: What are you talking about?

He: Look at the moon, it’s all yellow and fuzzy.

She: And that makes the man on the moon sick?

He: Well, he’s either sick or he has a really bad case of jaundice.

She: I’m blogging this when we get home.

He: You can’t quote me. I’m not signing the consent forms.

She: You married me, that’s consent by default.

He: Whatever.

I have a tonne of links in my bookmarks at work that I haven’t visited in a while. I spent a few minutes today perusing the ones I’d assigned to my Learning Styles folder when I came across an article outlining why it’s important for students to understand their professors learning styles and vice versa. From it, I followed a link to David Keirsey‘s work.

On his site, Mr. Keirsey has posted an article titled Different Drummers.

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offsping, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right — for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences. (Keirsey, 1998, Please Understand Me II)

These words describe exactly how I’m feeling at the moment. Unfortunately, the person who really needs to be reading this wouldn’t recognize themselves if handed the mirror.

Technorati Tags: David Keirsey

I hope and pray that all of my new friends in Manila, and those whom I’ve never met, remain safe.

A powerful quake struck off southwestern Taiwan on Tuesday, triggering a potentially destructive tsunami that was headed toward the Philippines on the second anniversary of the deadly waves that killed thousands in south Asia.

Source: Canoe News

Like most people touched by loss, I remember exactly where I was when the ’04 tsunami struck. Dad had been diagnosed with cancer a few months earlier and the hubby and I trekked to Winnipeg to spend Christmas with the family. It was the last Christmas I spent with my dad.

Mom, dad, the hubby, my sister and I were all holed up in the sis’ tiny one bedroom apartment for the Christmas season. We were telling stories and the TV was on for background noise.

Christmas ’05 was spent alone in a hotel room in Manila, Philippines.

Technorati Tags: tsunami, Philippines, Manila, earthquake, Christmas