“There’s nothing we can do.”

When I hear those words from the mouth of a customer service representative, sales agent, or government employee, they make my blood boil. The instinct to fight harder or push to get what I want – most often an apology – kicks into overdrive. When the team of doctors finally say the phrase after a 2 year battle, I want to crawl into the corner and scream like a baby.

I am watching my father die by inches.

I am greedy. I am selfish. I am unwilling to let go. I am uncertain whether it will be possible to survive this daily struggle. I am already scarred and damaged. Such a short time ago he ruled the stage with such a huge personality – exploding at the seems with life – that it is killing something in side for me to watch him shrink and whither away.

Gillian asked how he has managed to survive so long. The only thought that comes to mind is pure Scottish stubbornness. That can only carry you so far.

We’re going to try and bring him home this week. I think I’ll be home for Christmas.

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