This Christmas is our first without dad. The role of family peace maker or go between has fallen to my husband in dad’s absence.

Mom arrived earlier in the week and, as expected, there have been moments of tension. I need to work harder to keep my emotions in keel. I know I have a habit of shutting off and pushing people out at times. You know that old idiom “if you can’t say something nice…?”, that’s why I tend to shut down and walk away. It seems to me that life would be easier if I didn’t say what I wanted to or do what I wanted to all the time. I have no idea how I’ll survive mom’s visit since there is just no way for me to please her…

Mom was reading a package from Hospice that discussed grieving and dealing with grief over the holidays. Apparently there was a section in the pamphlet containing suggestions for keeping a lost family member “alive” during Christmas. One of the things mentioned was to keep a stocking for the individual and have the children write letters to their parent. Mom’s determined that all of us will do this this year – and I’m really uncomfortable with it. I’m sure it’s comforting for some to write letters to their deceased parents or siblings but based on my emotional and physical reaction when I just think about the concept, I know that this is likely going to cause a lot of friction when the stockings are filled later tonight.

Since I know there’s absolutely no way to make my mother understand my point of view, I know that I’ll end up doing it just to make her happy. Then, I’ll end up angry and resentful and my husband will need to step in and place peace keeper between the two of us for the rest of the time she’s visiting us. Welcome to Christmas at our house.

Here’s wishing you and yours a merry, love-filled, and relaxing Christmas where everyone’s needs are met.

Technorati Tags: Christmas, traditions, stockings, grieving

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