I’ve finally come to the realization that some things are beyond of my control and that no matter how much I might want others (or a project) to succeed, sometimes you just have to let those around you fail.  For years I have accepted responsibility and accountability for things well outside my scope because others were unwilling or unable to finish a job.  I’d work myself to the bone to meet crazy deadlines.  I allowed others to accept acknowledgement and kudos for work I’ve completed.  I told myself if was enough to know that a project was completed on time, on budget, and that the results were all that mattered.

It’s a character flaw.  I can’t stand to walk away or to fail if there’s anything I can do to prevent it.

That likely explains why I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to do my best to mitigate a series of actions that were neither my design nor a result of anything I’d done or could control.  I’ve worked countless hours of overtime identifying potential problems and laying out possible solutions.  I’ve made myself sick trying to mitigate the damage I know is coming down the pipe.  Having been blocked at every turn I now need to learn to say those pain filled words – “This is not my job.  You made the mess; you clean it up”.

And tomorrow I need to look for a new job.  This isn’t a healthy environment for me to be in.  I love many of my co-workers but it’s no longer enough.

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