If the decorations in stores and prevalence of Christmas music over the airwaves are anything to go by, the holiday season is fast approaching.

I, for one, am not happy about this. 

Frequently when I blog I end up having to censor myself. Because if I wrote what I was really thinking I’d end up with a series of phone calls from friends and family all claiming to be hurt in some manner. Hell, even when my posts are self-censored I still get those calls. Whether or not my writings were associated with them in the first place is usually a moot point…

This trend stresses me out to no end. I frequently feel that when the hubs isn’t home, I have no one that I can openly talk to who won’t judge me and who will at least attempt to see things from my point of view. Sometimes I blog in search of finding someone else who has experienced the same thing. A cyber replacement for hubs if you will. Or, at the very least, a feeling that I am not alone in the universe. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that an extrovert has difficulty understanding the mind (and physiological responses to situations) of an introvert. And vice versa of course.

The Christmas season is fast approaching and I’m stressed to no end. Today I’ve decided to skip the self-censorship and just write what I’m thinking. And if anyone calls to discuss or complain about anything in this post, I will hang up on you. Consider yourself warned.

I’m not the biggest fan of the Christmas holiday season. I don’t like decorating. I don’t enjoy the music. I find those who claim to follow religion to be most hypocritical when it comes to “the true spirit of the season“. I’d rather skip the entire production. The only good thing about any holiday is the shared meal with my neighbours; the same communal meal that takes place on every major holiday or at random backyard BBQs. I enjoy our gatherings very much.

A few years ago I made the conscious decision to stop giving gifts and instead give money to charity. For the past 2 years, I’ve asked my friends and family to do the same. Pick a charity. Any charity. Donate time, money or goods to them. Some people took me up on my challenge. Some enjoyed it. Others expressed their displeasure and disappointment and not getting gifts. Fine. You don’t have to like it. But I shouldn’t feel pressured into completely disregarding my own value system in order to make someone else happy.

And yet, I do.

Christmas isn’t even here and I’m already feeling sick, stressed, pressured, dismissed and disrespected. The chorus of orders rings in my head. “Do this. Do that. I expect this…” ARGH! 

Why do I always have to be miserable just so someone else is happy? Why can’t I be the one that gets to be happy?

Or, skip the happiness part of the equation. Why are my wishes and values so easy for others to dismiss as inconsequential? What makes the things important to me so easy for others to dismiss out of hand? Why don’t others experience qualms about demanding I bend to their wishes?

If all your friends jumped off a bridge…

This is my problem with Christmas. Or any other social gathering with expectations and customs attached. I’m extremely introverted. I’m socially awkward. And after 35 years of trying to be someone else – someone who fits in better with the extroverted mainstream – I’ve learned that I need to stop trying to please others and just be me. You don’t have to understand me. You just have to learn to take me as I am. Or not, as the case may be.

Now if only I could learn to say “no“. Then I wouldn’t get myself into these stressful messes in the first place. Feeling bullied to do exactly what others want me to do so they can be happy.

Maybe I should start here. I don’t want to exchange gifts. I don’t want to go to a party. I don’t want a tree in my home for the cat to climb or the dogs to pee on. I will not go to church and sit through sermons for a religion I find conflicts with my base value system. I might drink the egg nog.

Hubs and I often spend time apart. comes with the territory of military spouse. With my past globe trotting history, we’ve celebrated more than our share of holidays and anniversaries while one of us was 1/2 way across the country or world. This is the first time I recall one of us being in a war zone for Remembrance Day.

While I stand in the cold honouring all those who’ve gone before, hubs will be sweating away across the world. I’m assuming there will be ceremonies in KAF.

In this era of near immediate communication, I find myself wondering what it was like during WWI, WWII & Korea for the families left behind. How did they manage to survive the long wait between newspapers printing or radio stories?

The differences in communication frequency in this tour vs hubs last a year ago has been huge. Cell phones & email (which existed prior of course, he just didn’t use them) mean that I hear from him every few days. Sure, I rarely get letters, but I do have a general idea that he’s physically ok most days.

As we cross off the days on a calendar until he comes home, I can add one more important date that can be marked while apart. We’ve got a lot to make up for…

i frequently tell the world how awesome my neighbours are. they puppy sit, they help rebuild our backyard & garage, they help lay flooring, fix stuff around the house, teach me new things, and generally keep me sane. once again i must repeat that phrase.

for the past few years we’ve had a communal meal for all the big holidays. christmas, easter, thanksgiving, and a myriad of bbq’s in between.

whether of not drew or i were home (or traveling the world), whoever was left home alone always had somewhere to go for a special holiday meal. same rules applied if we were both home.

and those “rules” don’t just apply to us. everyone in our circle of friends has an open invitation to the meal.

today i spent the better part of my day with some of my favourite people eating an awesome meal. when i left i was loaded up with enough turkey to keep me in sandwhiches and snacks for the next few days.

i have the most awesome neighbours and for that i’m truly thankful.

happy thankgiving weekend everyone. may you be blessed with good neighbours at sometime in your lives.

L had to work today so J and I went out to pick out flooring. I bought vinyl tile for the hallway and closet but didn’t pick up anything for the office (yet).

L promises he’ll be around to oversee the install before the end of the week.

I found an interesting patterned linoleum for my office but I’m not sold on it’s durability (how it’ll handle the weight of multiple bookcases, & my constantly moving chair). Think I’ll do some consulting with hubs before I purchase anything for that room.

The downside is that I have to pre-order the flooring 3 weeks in advance if I do want Drew to install it when he’s home. We can’t just wait until he gets home and pick a flooring type then.

I did rip up a small piece of the office carpet and it’s not as clean underneath as the hall & closet were. I think we’ll need to pour some of the flooring level setting goop before we can lay whatever flooring option we do select.

Blech!

J thinks L will be able to help Drew with the flooring install for one day. We’ll have to have the room cleared out before L can come in and help Drew. I expect that’s a good 2-3 days work all on it’s own!

Good thing Drew has already agreed to tackle this project on his tour break or I’d be pulling out my hair and in a mass panic.

Stay tuned for the hallway & closet installation victory dance.

This weekend, with the help of my awesome neighbour L, I will be laying new flooring in my basement. The old carpet has been ripped out (go me) and being replaced. The joys of home ownership.

Somewhere in the hours of the weekend I need to go to a football game with L and write a paper. I think my weekend may need another weekend just to get everything done.