And no, I’m not writing about how I’d rather buy new socks and gitch instead of doing the laundry tonight. Yes, I can hear a song running around in my head ever since I typed the title. “I’m not Jesus” – Apoctalyptica – if you’re wondering.

When I started my Stats class the prof told me I’d only need a basic calculator to complete the class assignments. Turns out my basic calculator is a little too basic and I need a simple scientific one.

Ages ago mcpyper offered to lend me her son’s fancy scmantzy new graphing calculator. He needs it for his math classes in HS but isn’t taking math this semester. I decined the offer since (a) I didn’t want to have to pay for a replacement if the dogs decided it looked yummy, (b) I knew it was far more calculator than I’d need and, (c) I didn’t want to spend hours trying to learn how to use it just so I could finish my homework.

I have a perfectly good calculator on my iPhone that does everything I need for class. There’s only one problem. I can’t bring my iPhone into my exam in a few months. I need to have an actual calculator and leave the iPhone at home.

With that in mind I made a short trip to Staples this afternoon to pick up a basic scientific calculator. They had a tonne of them on sale for under $20 so I knew I wouldn’t have to shell out much to get one that would do what I needed. I looked for the function keys to fit my formulas and happily trotted home with my new purchase to read the manual.

I can’t figure it out.

I’ve spent hours reading the (extremely poorly) written instruction booklet and googling how to use it. Me. Who used to write step-by-step training manuals for software that I had to teach myself how to use first. I’m usually pretty good at following directions (as long as they don’t involve driving).

I can’t seem to grasp anything this little manual has to impart. I keep re-reading it in the hopes that it’ll suddenly make sense. In between lengthy sessions of playing with the calculator. I’ve figured out all but one function through this “play until I get it right” method this evening.

If Drew were home by now I would have flung the calculator into his lap and told him to teach me how to use it when he’d figured it out. After a lot of colourful swearing and stomping of the feet. He reads electrical wiring diagrams on a routine basis. He can likely figure this mess out!

And it doesn’t hurt that Drew’s a wiz at math. He calculates crap in his head or looks at forumas and knows exactly what to do. Me, not so much.

I had classes with some brilliant mathmeticians in school many years ago but in 99% of the cases they couldn’t teach worth crap! Sure, they could spout complex formulas and whip off math problems on a chalkboard but they couldn’t break things down to it’s simplest form so that those of us struggling could figure it out. It constantly amazes me that I got A’s and B’s in high level chemistry and physics all through HS but that barely passed gr. 11 and gr. 12 math. Mostly because those classes had some complex math formulas in them too – and somehow they all made sense at the time.

When thoughts of HS math don’t make me spout smoke from my ears, it saddens me that because I somehow managed to squeak through HS math with passing grades (barely) – I was one of 8 of 32 students who passed my gr. 12 math class – I didn’t have the same opportunity my classmates did. They re-took the class with a different teacher and actually learned – or at least understood to some degree – what they were doing!

But I digress.

I’ve spent over six hours trying to figure out how to use this stupid calculator so I can complete one problem. And I’m feeling very stupid at the moment. Perhaps I should have kept my hair dyed red. Then maybe I’d glean some benefit from the “artificial intelligence” jokes.

And know how to use this calculator by now…

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